and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
