i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
