Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
