beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
