Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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