You work out of a Hotel?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you would pick up someone in the library
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
