I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize