I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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