I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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