No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
