I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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