I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
