i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am one with the molecules
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
