please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
