I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
