Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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