I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
