she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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