Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
