ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
