How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
