get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
