Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
