dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
