but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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