Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We're too hungover to prance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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