What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
