I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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