Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
