hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize