i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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