I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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