Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
