Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
