***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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