your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
