My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize