I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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