I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
