woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Enjoy the penises
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize