I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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