I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
