I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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