Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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