and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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