I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
