This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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