Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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