DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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