i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I deserve this hangover.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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