Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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