you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
