i think my tv is drunk
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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