Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize