Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
