things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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