Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
