if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think my mom watched the whole time
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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