You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
