it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
