mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
