do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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