How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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