I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize