I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My balls are so social today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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