maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
