i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
