I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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