you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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